Sorry

Have you ever become weary of someone who keeps doing something they've promised not to do, and then they say that they are sorry every time? It puts us in an awkward place because most of us want to be forgiving, but sometimes the routine can be tiresome and the sorry becomes meaningless. The poem below is a result of a number of people who seem to have a lot of drama in their life right now. A theme seems to be one person's inability to stay with the program and repeatedly saying sorry, thinking that it makes up for everything. So after listening to the drama from the other friend for the last two days, I wrote this piece, probably still in progress as the drama continues...sorry Bryan, a little on the serious side, so sorry, really, I'm sorry.

Sorry Among Sorries

Your sorries lay scattered like gravel among gravel
Where kindness blends with harshness
Where “I’m sorry,” means little to nothing anymore.

Your sorries form a heap at the bottom of a landslide
Boulders among boulders
Falling randomly regardless of appearance or weight.

Your sorries are an avalanche hiding and sliding
Past contours and views
A trail of snow among snow
A blank slate upon which to write more sorries--
But this time I’m gone.

I’m seeking a place where respect overshadows regret
Where ambiguity is given the benefit of the doubt
Where open minds do not close doors to change
A place where sorries can be held in one hand
A place where sorries are unique
Not an action following routine reactions
That assume forgiveness.

I’m seeking a place where sorries are so few
And so perfectly set that they become
Precious stones.
For now, your sorries continue to lay scattered
Like gravel among gravel
Boulders among boulders
Snow among snow.

Consequently, you wander alone
Inside a fortress of sorries
A fortress filled with sand
Where you sift with a closed hand
Your reasons among reasons among reasons
To say, “I’m sorry.”

What We Do When Nobody is Watching

Now that I live alone and there's no one to question my daily decisions, I wonder if the same rules apply as before. For example, the other day I wondered if it would really be that big of a deal not to shower after an evening workout. What would be the point when I would be going to bed in a few hours just to workout again right after I get up the next morning? Granted I might get up late and then get bogged down with work around the house and then it’s lunch time, so I can’t exercise before I eat because I’m too hungry, which means I delay exercise at least an hour after I eat in order to digest my food. But I get busy again after lunch, then realize that I really should go to the bank and the vet before it gets too late. By the time I get home it’s almost 4pm. Time to workout because if I don’t do it now, it’ll be time for dinner, and then I’ll have to wait another hour before I workout. God forbid I get busy again and then realize that it’s 8pm and time for my favorite show. Before I know it, it’s 10pm and I haven't worked out, or showered. So why shower when I’m just going to workout first thing in the morning? Not that I’ve ever done this, but if I did who would know?

How about eating? I am very health conscious but every once-in-awhile, okay, maybe a little more often, I take a walk on the wild side and eat a donut or drink a chocolate shake. Actually, every Thursday is brownie day, which is a story all its own, but suffice to say, I look forward to it all week. My favorite brownies are at a special bakery that I pass every Thursday. They are huge, very moist, and are covered with thick, chocolate icing. In short, they are crack, and I am addicted. Sometimes I buy two with the intention of having one today and one tomorrow. That rarely works. So the other day, instead of buying one to keep myself from eating two, I bought three, knowing full well that I would eat two that evening, saving the third one for Friday. Can you imagine how sick you would feel if you ate all three in one night? Not that I did this, but if I did, who would know?

How about kitchen utensils? For instance, I took cookies off the cookie sheet, but they stuck to the sheet, so a little bit of cookie and chocolate stuck stubbornly to the spatula. I thought to myself, wouldn’t it be easier just to lick the cookie and chocolate off the spatula and put it back in the drawer than to scrub it clean with soap and water when I’m the only one who is going to use it next? Not that I did this, but if I did, who would know?

What’s your story?